Miranda July is such a special alien and I love the idea of her new app a lot

But while you’re still attached and/or living with your partner? Bitching and moaning to potential sexytime partners is really poor form. And, if a sexy human you want to sex tells you that their partner is BORING? And possessive? AND THAT’S ALL THEY CAN COME UP WITH? Run away screaming. People who fuck people then tell other people they want to fuck that the people they’re currently fucking are super fucking dull? These are bad people.

These are people who just don’t like other people. “Jesus, my girlfriend, I swear she breathes in oxygen and breathes out carbon dioxide sometimes,” they might as well say. Because when you go to bed with someone and wake up and eat together and go to bed together again and wake up? See, I’m already bored by both of you just writing it down. People get boring. An inescapable fact. PEOPLE. GET. BORING. People of all stripes, from all walks of life, get boring. Boring is not a reason for anything. You say someone you’re fucking is boring? The first thing I think is sweet god in heaven YOU my friend are BORING. Stop taking it out on everyone else.

Better yet is POSSESSIVE, as in “My girlfriend, she just gets really possessive, it’s a total drag.” Gee, that sucks, why does your miserable insecure shrew of a woman have to get all possessive and shit, when she has a guy who’s sweet and honest and opens up within minutes about what a jealous little bitch HEY WAIT A MINUTE.


Ask Polly: A Chilling Cautionary Tale About the Dangers of Getting Involved With Attached People

This week’s Ask Polly was Heather’s last for The Awl (before moving over to The Cut), and it’s seriously, seriously great





Mallory Ortberg has a voice like an old movie actress. (“Male Novelist Jokes” at the Last Bookstore in LA)

Mallory Ortberg is everything.

Plus three cheers for Roxane Gay snapping a pic behind her.


mallory forever

(Source: youtube.com)

(Source: tearthatcherryout, via fuckyeahqueenbeyonce)


Monday morning meditation.

Just saw this on my dash and was like “WHAT A FUCKED UP, TOXIC SIGN!” If someone’s not good to you, that’s it. Farewell. Adieu. It does not matter how good they want to be to you. “Babe, I set your house on fire, but I want to be the man 4 u.” Ban this sign. Fuck this sign.

Then I realized it was probably about ~dreams~ and starting from a place of not being an expert but still aiming to be Michael Jordan or whatever and that calmed me down a little.

Anyway, Summer of misandry still in full effect over here.

Hey I have to ask - did I just see you on the Emmys accepting an award for your work on Jimmy Fallon? Congratulations if I did!

You did! I did not realize our category was going to be televised!

Wrote my first tumblr post in a while and my ask box is full of white supremacists and misogynists yelling at me! What a fun platform!