A guy recently asked me to describe what getting your period is like. Not like, cramping and symptoms, but the actual sensation that occurs in the instant that your period arrives. My reply was this:
You know how sometimes your eye really needs a good rub and you go at it with the heel of your hand? The really meaty part right above your wrist? And you rub it really thoroughly and satiate that need?
So after you do that, you know how sometimes there’s an air bubble stuck under your eyelid and maybe you blink a few times and the air bubble corrects itself? Your eye is like, “Oh no, I live here, I need this space,” and the air — that you didn’t even realize was in there — gets pushed out from under your eyelid involuntarily without you using any muscles to push it out?
That is what getting your period is like.
It is like an air bubble coming out from under your eyelid.
It is standing in line to pay for your sandwich and suddenly, oh. My underwear.
Please keep your eyes peeled for my adult health class at The Learning Annex called “Body Stuff for People Who Don’t Know Medicine But Like to Use Extended Metaphors that Circle the Point Closely Enough to Get You More or Less Where You Needed to Be.”