drink your juice.

I dogsat for @sbhelms over the fall and because I’m a...

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:29:28 -0400

I dogsat for @sbhelms over the fall and because I’m a demon I never returned the spare key. I bring all of this up because the Busch Gardens photo keychain she used to anchor the keys contained a roller coaster photo of us on the day I got my first period, and sometimes I accidentally pull the keychain out of my purse when I’m searching for other things and have a nice lol to myself. Mere hours before I had to pull my mother into a theme park restroom and ask to borrow an enormous overnight pad from her purse.

Because you effectively can’t reblog text posts as quotes...

Sat, 18 May 2013 17:03:53 -0400

Because you effectively can’t reblog text posts as quotes in Firefox, a lot of the tone of the original post was lost on people, but the number in this quote is overstated in a colloquial way. Kind of like saying, “Ugh, we’d go to that party, but he lives twelve dillion miles away.”

"In 2007, I was drinking coffee in Marco’s livingroom/dining room/office. He told me he and David had..."

Sat, 18 May 2013 11:29:00 -0400

“

In 2007, I was drinking coffee in Marco’s livingroom/dining room/office. He told me he and David had launched a website that had done remarkably well. He urged me to register before somebody else registered daniel.tumblr.com. Maybe I could write things there instead of on LiveJournal. There were about 27,000 users at that point, one of whom was AZSpot. Since then, Tumblr has grown to about 300 billion users, each more unique than the last. So it’s done okay. Marco has left Tumblr, started Instapaper, and recently left Instapaper. The last time we were drinking coffee together, he had a living room and a dining room and an office. So he’s done okay. And I’ve done okay with Tumblr as well. The point being, on the Internet, a lot has changed since 2007. And in 2007 if somebody had announced that LiveJournal was maybe being acquired, I would feel about like everybody feels now. (Where would I store my feelings!?!)…

The broader point being, things change quickly on the internet. There’s always a younger, cooler site looming just over the horizon. I’m not sure that acquisition by Yahoo particularly diminishes Tumblr’s longterm prognosis. It means an influx of cash, stability, and technical capability. Heck, probably a functional search feature. And it means that Tumblr doesn’t need to desperately look for ways to monetize.

The Internet will kill everything you love. But by the time it dies, you won’t even care.

”

- Squashed

No one will ever be as bone marrow-level funny to me as Maya...

Fri, 17 May 2013 18:31:55 -0400

No one will ever be as bone marrow-level funny to me as Maya Rudolph.

My buddy Lacey found a New Jersey pet adoption agency who had...

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:53:00 -0400

My buddy Lacey found a New Jersey pet adoption agency who had the genius idea to name their adoptable animals after celebrities. Above you will see the information for Rob Lowe, and you can see his sister Carey Mulligan here.

If you live in the tristate and are thinking about expanding your family, I can think of no better reason than this.

Just remembered that the only full sentence I learned how to say in Afrikaans after living in South...

Fri, 17 May 2013 03:02:00 -0400

Just remembered that the only full sentence I learned how to say in Afrikaans after living in South Africa for six months was, “I am an Aries.” Great priorities. Beautiful, inquiring mind.

Ek is ‘n ram.

Can’t wait to pass it on to my grandchildren.

Had this screenshot of my favorite part of what’s probably...

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:08:30 -0400

Had this screenshot of my favorite part of what’s probably my favorite movie on my desktop for like three months now.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 21:06:56 -0400

Click here to watch. - comedycentral Poopie queen.

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:46:56 -0400

Click here to watch. - comedycentral

Poopie queen.

"So aside from what was going on in Europe, Japan was getting really cocky and invading a bunch of..."

Wed, 15 May 2013 17:11:00 -0400

“So aside from what was going on in Europe, Japan was getting really cocky and invading a bunch of places too. Like China and Russia, I think. And once they finished doing that, they started looking at the territories that the US had over in that part of the world. So the US was like, “lol Japan, you’re an island, you don’t have any natural resources, we’re just going to stop trading with you.” And so we cut them off from all of the stuff we’d been sending them, and all of a sudden they couldn’t fuel their planes, and they got stressed out. Which is what we wanted. But we wanted them to be like, “I’m so sorry! What a mistake! You’re the best!” and instead they were brats and flew planes over to Hawaii and bombed our Naval base. So then in our heads we were like, well great now we’re involved in this war. But we dropped nuclear bombs on them so… overreaction. The Holocaust was happening, though. Emotions were high. Maybe wiki it.”

- My sister has a test on WWII and asked me how Japan got involved. This was my summary. I smell an A.

“Shout the change you want to see in the world over your...

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:14:14 -0400

“Shout the change you want to see in the world over your shoulder and then walk briskly away.” - Ghandi, 1637

This guy was leaning against the wall outside my laundromat this morning as I was walking to the...

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:46:00 -0400

T his guy was leaning against the wall outside my laundromat this morning as I was walking to the train, and I was a couple paces behind another woman. To her he said, “Hello, gorgeous,” and to me he said, “Hello, peer!”

I looked over my shoulder and said, “We’re all your peers!”

Slowly but surely.

All day long.

Tue, 14 May 2013 17:48:43 -0400

All day long.

Tumblr handles available as of 5:29 PM, May 14, 2013:

Tue, 14 May 2013 17:29:30 -0400

Everyone please stop saying human being let’s move the vernacular forward it’s two words...

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:19:00 -0400

Everyone please stop saying human being let’s move the vernacular forward it’s two words when you can easily be using one kiss 2009 goodbye let it float away on its pyre and fall over the edge of the temporal waterfall alongside being liz lemon and boys don’t like me and junk food fetishization and nail art and mason jars *becomes a bat and flies away*

"I bet David Spade really misses Chris Farley."

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:00:35 -0400

“I bet David Spade really misses Chris Farley.”

- a 50-something Midwestern tourist mom, to her 30-something Midwestern tourist daughter on the subway today, after a long silence

Solange — Looks Good With Trouble [ft. Kendrick...

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:39:00 -0400

Solange — Looks Good With Trouble [ft. Kendrick Lamar]

[britticisms]

Show me a better song to clean your apartment to for summer 2k13. Trick question, you can’t.

This occurred to me just now and I did not ask any questions.

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:53:21 -0400

This occurred to me just now and I did not ask any questions.

That’s Braille for “cave monsters.” @marinarachael

Mon, 13 May 2013 15:46:00 -0400

That’s Braille for “cave monsters.” @marinarachael

I was just lying in bed with my shower-wet hair wrapped in a towel trying to unpack why the...

Sun, 12 May 2013 23:55:46 -0400

I was just lying in bed with my shower-wet hair wrapped in a towel trying to unpack why the ever-growing social media holiday blitz bums me out, when I stumbled onto a thought train that I felt okay about.

Somewhere along the line my mom decided to be a mom. She chose me. I was in her, and she was probably fucking terrified. And she could’ve chosen for me not to be there, but she didn’t. She’s probably been terrified every day since. Every decision, every crocodile tear shed. Am I breaking this thing I made? Are the things I do the right things for her? We’re all coming at this life with our imperfect loves and our bum knees and our nervous laughter, and maybe the biggest part of growing up for me has been the learning and re-learning that sometimes people are giving all they can. Sometimes it’s not everything — sometimes it’s not enough to cover your toes and keep you warm at night — but they’re choosing to give what little they have to you. As gratifying as it is to be indignant and insist you deserve more, some days of the year it’s okay to say thank you for showing up for me when you do. And thank you for treating me like the decisions I make matter in this world. And I’m sorry that we’re not better at being good to each other. You chose me. You chose to be a mom. And that’s seriously one of the most physically and psychologically optimistic things I can imagine.